Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

This post was inspired by a conversation I was having with my mother. She was telling me about a podcast on YouTube called “Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man” by Emmanuel Acho. This podcast consists of him talking to various people about topics that are typically taboo or highly controversial, but he and the guests are willing to go there. Like many of my posts, I am often triggered or inspired by something happening in real time. This time was like no other. I finally had an epiphany, this new, transparent and brutally honest Robyn is a result with me finally getting comfortable with being uncomfortable.

During these trying times of 2020, one thing has become abundantly clear, the truth and the reality of the status of this country makes many people uncomfortable. Historically the United States has prided itself on its ability to control the world’s view and narrative of this country. Carefully crafted facades presented the United States as a dominant world power, free from any substantial issues or disputes. To brand yourself as the Promised Land, you must employ very creative marketing tactics to do so. Until you have lived in this country and are fully immersed into the the reality of this country, only then do you begin to see and fully understand the cracks and blemishes in the foundation of this country. As I have been mostly isolated since March, I have realized that the same holds true for people. Under ‘normal’ circumstances we are able to take our ‘representatives’ out in to the world so that we can control the optics of ourselves to others. We are able to only reveal those things that we are okay with being acceptable for public consumption. However; just like the laws of physics, pressure applied in a constant and consistent manner has the ability to change the state of matter from one form to another. For example water under the pressure of heat will be transformed into steam, or pressure applied to a rock can transform to a diamond. Undeniably, everyone in this country is under some form of pressure or stress. The current state of affairs happening within this country, the changes of living in the midst of a pandemic or virtual learning with our children have all applied a tremendous force of pressure that many of us have never experienced. My personal experience has revealed that it is difficult to near impossible to keep up the caricatures I have created for myself dependent upon the setting or situation. These types of pressures force our masks to crack and for our true selves to be revealed. The revelation of our raw selves is uncomfortable and scary because it may force some self-analysis and introspection that would not have happened in a time free of pressure and stress. Some of the discomfort we feel is because we are forced outside of our normal routine and daily grind or the discomfort may come from the reality that we are forced to feel and possibly may have to react to those feelings. So in the spirit of continuous transparency that I am working on, I will use myself as an example of how this may manifest itself.

The Robyn that existed pre-pandemic, pre-George Floyd was extremely organized, regimented and structured. I had schedules for my schedules. I was always on when it was required of me. I could quickly navigate between the home Robyn and work Robyn because many of the characteristics were fundamentally the same. The wife and mother Robyn was able to hold everyone down. She knew who had to be where when and was a task master. Everything and everybody had a place and the home version of Robyn made sure these tasks were completed. The most authentic version of Robyn was reserved for those who have known her for a long time, even perhaps since birth. She was comfortable with letting her guard down slightly, but always appeared to be holding it together. The hustle and bustle of daily life, allowed me to seamlessly integrate all of these Robyns so that those looking with the naked eye could not easily delineate where one began and another one ended. Then March 2020 happened. I, like most in this country, kicked into fight or flight mode. The culmination of multiple events, converging at exactly the same time, coupled with uncertainty, put all of us in survival mode. From protesting in the streets to hoarding toilet paper, the country was whipped into a frenzy. The pressure and stress of these events hung like a dark looming cloud over this country. This is when we all started to see the chinks in our armor and the armor of others. These times have forced many of us to face the discomfort of our truths and the truth of others that we thought we knew and understood. Whether it be our stance on social injustice in this country, political beliefs or affiliations or what the appropriate pandemic protocol should be, the reality of acknowledging our similarities and differences can prove to be uncomfortable. There will be uncomfortable conversations that will need to be had, unresolved issues that will need to be dealt with and careful evaluation of person relationships will need to occur. Perhaps the most uncomfortable of all will be admitting to the reality there may be a true necessity for change or removal of some people or things from our lives. A common coping mechanism many employ is to remain stagnant, to remain in a place of comfort so that life seems easier. The fear of others knowing our vulnerabilities and weaknesses often prevent progressive and meaningful change. I am sure that for some, they have been shocked or perhaps uncomfortable meeting this version of Robyn. My realization is that I often made myself uncomfortable to maintain the comfort of others. Growth only happens when we get out of our way and allow for ourselves to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The stagnation of ideas and open thoughts are the root cause for the lack of progress within this country. We have been going along to get along for so many years that some are shocked by the revelation of how little has changed decade over decade. Social injustice and racial disparity events this year have highlighted this most significantly. In 2020 there were people that had a new awakening to the reality that many of us have been experiencing for years in this country regarding the plight of Black Americans in this country. Although these issues are woven into the fabric of this country since it was founded, it took a tragic event like the death of George Floyd to bring this reality to some in this country and to many in the rest of the world. As Black Americans it can be frustrating when we hear our non-Black allies say “I had no idea this was going on”. It is difficult for us to understand how they could not have known, were they leaving under a rock? As frustrating as this may make us feel, I would encourage you to get uncomfortable and have a conversation or two with those that are truly seeking to understand. For those that seem misguided and misinformed, creating a teachable moment may be uncomfortable but it is necessary. There is a caveat, you must realize that not everyone will be ready or willing to get uncomfortable and detach themselves from their artfully created reality, but that is okay. This is not a failure, but instead is a victory because our person ability to discern those situations and people that are no longer suited for our time and energy will be heightened. We should only focus our efforts and energy on planting the seeds, where they take root is not up to us. As we would want others to be open to hearing to seek to understand, we must also reciprocate the same energy. There may be disagreements and tension, but going there will be well worth the effort. Being open to differing opinions or the reality of others will contribute to our personal metamorphosis to be a better person. We must be open to constructive feedback that is rooted in love and our best interest. We must trust ourselves to recognize the wolves in sheep’s clothing that only come to seek and destroy. Refusing to get uncomfortable will halt all opportunities for change and forward progression. Although there may be casualties along the way, we must apply the necessary pressure to change the state of the world and our hearts. So I challenge everyone reading this to get comfortable with being uncomfortable so that we can be the change that we want to see for this world.