Twenty-twenty sent the world into a tailspin. Natural disasters, global pandemic and social unrest made us feel as if the bottom had dropped from under us. The uncertainty, chaos and revelations of the dark side of America caused corporations to brace themselves for impact. Physical safety of employees and financial stability of the business became immediate challenges that needed to be managed and addressed expeditiously. Equally as jarring and imminent was the acknowledgement of the injustice and inequities against people of color in this country, particularly against Black people. As the world watched an officer kneel on the neck of George Floyd until the life left his body, many Americans had their first ‘ah-ha’ moment that perhaps something sinister was amiss. Others shook their heads and dismissed the incident as another example of non-compliance against the police and that the situation was handled as it should be. As this incident and a host of others rolled out before our very eyes, corporations were forced to take a position. As the divisiveness in this country became more apparent, companies had two choices, to remain silent and wait for the storm to blow over or to be radical and take a stance against injustice. Many companies consulted their PR departments and issued well-rehearsed and canned statements. Some companies took the extra step and held town-hall meetings to discuss the current events and opportunities to afford their Black employees a ‘safe place’ to share their experiences as a Black person in this country. Buzz words such as ‘anti-racist’ and ‘allies’ were tossed about and popularized like the latest Birkin handbag or Louboutin shoes. For white people in America, they were also forced to make a choice. They could remain in their cone of silence and blissful unawareness, turn their heads because it is not their problem or fight or they could take a huge leap to really learn and act to make changes to systematic issues. Through all of this, Black people in corporate America became knowledge banks for the racial history of this country that their white colleagues made repetitive withdrawals. Because none of this was new to most Black people, we politely obliged and entertained the show of concern and empathy toward our plight.
Since I am only able to speak from my personal experience, I will take you inside the mind of a Black woman in corporate America during these challenging times. She shows up every day on time, most often before time, so as not to feed into the notion of CP (Colored People) time. She checks and rechecks her appearance before she leaves her home, because she is keenly aware that eyes will be her. The attire for her job is business casual and for most a polo shirt and khakis will be appropriate, but for her she make sure that she always steps it up and is suited and booted so that no one can challenge her professionalism. She was raised to know that the standard for the majority was not our standard. On the drive to the job she initiates the process of suppressing those personal parts of herself that could be scrutinized or viewed as weakness. She must compartmentalize the heaviness within her spirit, fully cognizant of the problems happening against people that look like her because this could be used against her and unfairly label her as emotional and unfocused. She swallows the fears of the world, knowing that what is happening to Black Americans may one day hit close to home. Before she left her house, she said good-bye to her husband and children and said a silent prayer that they would survive and be waiting for her safe and unscathed when she returned home. She makes sure that her sons are dressed neatly for school and well put together so she can minimize the opportunities to label them as unruly or ‘too urban’.
As she pulls into the parking lot, she sits in her car for a few minutes to gather her thoughts. She braces herself for the day head, knowing there is a strong possibility of at least one encounter where she will be marginalized, second guessed or her abilities doubted. As she opens her car door to begin the walk into the office, she flips the switch to activate the corporate Black woman persona. This is a persona that is ‘on’ at all times, the one that analyzes and critiques every word before it leaves her mouth and the one that keeps her emotions in check so as not to be labeled as ‘an angry Black woman’. She is poised and polished and makes sure to speak with perfect diction. Any interactions she has are carefully thought through so that she always make sure that the other party is comfortable. She is used to be an ‘n’ of a few or more often an ‘n’ of one in the conference room, but she must pretend that she does not notice and that others around her are noticing. When her abilities and skills are questioned and challenged, she must hide her aggravation against the passive aggressive behavior. When she encounters those on her ‘team’ whom she knows do not believe that she earned her place or is deserving to be there, she must kill them with kindness and go along to get along. She must wear the mask and ensure that she shows no signs of weakness or vulnerability. She must appear unphased and unbothered when she is spoken to in a condescending and disrespectful manner. As the world is crashing down for people that look like her, she must keep of the façade of being okay and must always be ready to perform and deliver at all times. She understands that having an ‘off-day’ opens the doors for others to cast doubts. A mistake may put her on a short list when a ‘right-sizing’ event is needed. She must check and recheck all that she does because a human moment may be the kiss of death for her.
As she appears to be the epitome of professionalism and poise, internally she gnashes her teeth in agony feeling helpless and hopeless because the country she has known as home for all of her life, thinks that the lives of people with her complexion are optional. As she sits in meeting after meeting she has to force herself to remain focused on the tasks at hand even though thoughts of sadness and despair creep into her thoughts on occasion. She realizes that she cannot blow this opportunity that she worked so hard to obtain, but she carries the spirits of those that will never have the opportunity to pursue their dreams or passions because their lives were taken too soon. She feels the pain in every fiber of her being of the mothers that are mourning the lost lives of their children. Every headline, news story and hashtag reopen the wounds and are constant reminders of how this country is irreparably broken. Even through all of this she tucks all of the broken pieces away so that she can be sure she brings her best to the job everyday. She endures the awkward conversations about the current events with co-workers but hides any inkling of emotion or vulnerability. As a Black woman in corporate America she must move through the day with purpose and precision.
At the end of her eight hour day, which seems like a lifetime, she is emotionally and physically exhausted as keeping it together and walking through the day like a robot saps every ounce of energy she had. It is not until she is in car that she can exhale and begin the process of allowing the suppressed parts of herself to return. She prays that the commute home will afford her time to be restored to her whole self so that when she reconnects with her family she has something left to give. She thanks God that she didn’t get a phone call that either her husband or sons were harmed and values everyday that she walks through the door to see their faces. As her family asks her how her day was, she smiles and gives the scripted response ‘it was fine’, even when it wasn’t. She knows her husband knows the truth, but she wants to spare the reality from her children for as long as possible. She basks in the time she has to be her whole self with her family before the reality of doing it again the next day sets in. As she turns in for the night she prays for renewed strength to live to fight another day.
Now that you have been provided insight into the day in the life of a Black woman in corporate America, for those that want to be true allies there is some soul searching you must do before that can become a reality. When you know better you should do better, so it is imperative to be careful with your words and actions. When you ask a person of color in you office ‘how are you doing?’, are you asking because you genuinely want to know or are you on autopilot? Have you ever let it cross your mind when you see a Black person in a position of power if they were in that position because of their minority status or are they there because they are qualified and experienced? If you have ever celebrated because the ‘first person of color’ was placed into a position, this should be a light bulb moment for you. In 2021 there should not be any celebration for the ‘first person of color’ because it implies that since Black people have been in this country that there has never been a Black person qualified or capable for that position. If you have ever commented about how well spoken a Black person was, please realize that is not a compliment. It implies that you have an internalized bias and perception of Black people that we are incapable of communicating in a coherent manner. Although I fully realize that Black people have more opportunities today than we had twenty or more years ago, we still have a long way to go. Being an ally means that you are willing to take inventory of your own biases, acknowledge them and work toward fixing them. In doing so you will then be able to educate others in the spirit of each one, teach one. Black people are not looking to be saved. We are not waiting for the white cavalry to save the day. If you operate in the spirit of saving us and know that you are able to fix some of the issues in the work place by simple statement or request, you are a benefactor of privilege that Black professionals are very rarely afforded. We are looking to be seen for the totality of who we are and desire for the wholeness of who we are to be seen as an asset and not a detriment. Being an ally for your colleagues is not as easy as you may think, you must carefully consider if you are willing to bear the weight of what it takes to truly influence change.
M.O.B.B (Mothers of Black Boys) Talk 