No More Chasing Fool’s Gold

Yesterday I experienced yet another “ah-ha” moment. My decision to pursue a career in corporate America has been a road paved with trials, tribulations and tears. Despite the difficulties, I was bound and determined to prove to those in my industry and more importantly to myself, that I was competent, worthy and deserving of the opportunities I have been afforded in my career. Yesterday it finally set in that despite all of my years of hard work and dedication, struggle and willingness to crawl before I walked, I will never be enough to some. My twenty years of proving myself as smart enough, qualified enough and just enough in general will never be able to circumvent the beast of privilege. It has taken me close to twenty years to climb the corporate ladder to be where I am today in a management position. I am grateful for every entry level position as it allowed time to hone and perfect my craft and to become confident in my abilities to do my job to the best of my abilities. I found a profession and career and not just a job, so that it why it is painful for me to admit that my passion will forever be overshadowed by the cloud of privilege. I am grateful that I earned my position and that it was not handed to me because it has allowed for me to appreciate it and never take it for granted. I do not take my position as a leader lightly and I am dedicated to assuring that I am a developer of people and will push and motivate those that I encounter to be the best version of themselves possible. I have been able to relate to my team members because I do not treat them as employees. Also, everything that I ask of them, I have done myself. This allows me to be relatable with my team members and understand their moments of celebration or frustration. I choose to invest in every member in my team because my investment in them is an investment into the company and also an investment into myself. All of the years I have invested into growing my career, the lateral moves, the relocations, all for that one shot to prove that I could handle whatever was thrown my way, to show that I could lead, I had finally done it, or did I? Yesterday was the slap in the face back to the reality that I although I am “here” and put in the work, others will be allowed to get “here’ with less effort and experience because they are a benefactor of privilege. As a person with lesser boots on the ground experience or professional experience in the field in general has been granted an opportunity to be my counterpart and professional equal, should I plaster on a smile and go along to get along? Do I have to pretend to not notice? Do I now have to face the fact of the possibility that what I believed was a true acknowledgement of my time and talents was nothing more than a position as a diversity mascot? Is it possible that I have maxed out in my career and that when new opportunities become available, I will never be considered? When I hear people arguing about the existence of white privilege, it is highly likely that those are the loudest against its existence are the primary benefactors of it. I am firm believer that credentials alone should not be the barometer of a person’s abilities and worthiness to be afforded opportunities, but skin color alone should also not be a measurement of worthiness. In this country, minorities in leadership positions are uncommon and uncomfortable. This is evident by the fact that in 2021 we are having to acknowledge the first woman, or the first Black or the first Asian for key leadership positions. Are we to believe that there have been no qualified minorities capable of leadership until now? When looking at Fortune 500 companies, the numbers of minorities in C-level positions can be counted on one hand. Has discrimination and privilege brain washed this country into truly believing that minorities have just now leveled up and become equally yoked to our white counterparts? Discrimination and privilege have become normalized commodities that have blinded many in this country to the truth of their existence. Today I must face the reality that I may have reached my glass ceiling and I must choose how to pivot knowing this reality. My passion, drive and determination will never allow me to do anything less than my absolute best despite this reality; however, I will be keenly aware that the bar will continue to be a moving target for me. My only competition will be myself and I will continue to push myself beyond my comfort zone, even when the efforts and work go unnoticed or unacknowledged. Even when I excel or exceed expectations, I will not longer expect that these successes will get me onto the short list of those that will be afforded the next best opportunity. There will always be a reason or rationale as to why I am not ready or may not be the right fit for the next role that comes along. I will continue to strive and will pursue greatness and I will not allow the opinions of others to derail my trajectory. So yesterday reality smacked me in my face, turned the other cheek, smacked me again and mushed my in my forehead. Today I hear and see reality loud and in living color and I will not be suckered by fool’s gold again!